Our Beginning to End
by ReneeMarie89
Summary: This is the story of Dr. Cox and Dr. Dorian. It is quite obviously slash and it is also my first time delving into fan fiction, I'd appreciate constructive feedback. It is rated M for a little bit of smut and some swearing. Hmmm, that is all. Enjoy?
1. Chapter 1

"Shania, you know, I don't want you sticking around for me." Perry opened the window to let some light in the dark hospital room. "In all honesty, you can, just go ahead and move on." The older doctor had moved to the table that rested by J.D's bedside. He pulled a wilting flower out of a vase that rested on it. He sincerely hoped that when he was on his last leg nobody would think it prudent to buy him flowers or a teddy bear. He was a grown man for god sakes.

Although Perry did know that J.D would love it.

He rested on a seat that Gandhi had brought in earlier. Perry sighed as he remembered the way the stupid cutter, the usual jock turned frat-boy turned surgeon wept over J.D's broken body. Carla and Elliot had stood in the doorway, neither crying but both equally. Shocked? Devastated?

J.D was the devastated one. To be honest the fact that he was alive at all was almost eerie. He was acting like the stupid little girl he was and then he was laying bloody, with legs at odd angles and teeth where they shouldn't be, by the side of the road. The driver of the car that had wrecked the young man's body was of course fine. He was resting in a room down the hall with a policeman in front of his door. Perry couldn't wait to give his statement to the police, to tell them how he had driven his car through a red light into J.D, how he proceeded to plow into a light post, how he slurred his words when Perry drug him out of his car by his neck.

When the police had got to the scene Perry was trying to make the man look at J.D. He wanted the soon-to-be murderer to see what he had done. All the bastard did was cry. And as the police handcuffed the man who Perry would later learn to be named Frank, all Perry did was cry. He cried as the paramedics took J.D to the hospital. He cried as Doctor Wen told him that J.D wasn't going to live much longer then another day. He cried when he called Carla and told her to please come to the hospital with Turk and Elliot as soon as she could.

Perry never cried. Yesterday night he cried more then a chubby lady at a Clay Aiken concert. Yesterday night all Perry was thinking about was the fact that J.D had promised to make him and Jack waffles tomorrow morning and now he would never make waffles again. And he most certainly wouldn't make any promises again. Perry cried because he didn't even know how many promises a trashed 20-something forced J.D to break.

"I'm not sure how to tell you this." Perry brushed the top of the young man's dark hair. "You're, well, you're not going to wake up. If you do, you will be in pain every single moment until you die a couple hours later because your nerves shut down completely. J.D, I will miss you everyday but you can go ahead and leave me, because, you already did. Does that make sense? Please. Please, because as much as I hope that you are in a place where you are doing whatever it is you little girls love to do so much, I, I personally can not deal with the possibility that you are in a place where you are scared and crawling out of your own skin. I am crawling out of my own skin. J.D, please just die now. Just let go."

A few hours later John Michael Dorian passed away in a drug induced coma.

Perry rested his fingers on the grass at J.D's plot. There was dew on the ground, the sun had barely risen. Everyone agreed that the burial should be very early in the morning as it was J.D's favorite time of day. At least once a week J.D would ask Perry to get up early with him and go for a walk.

Once or twice, after they had both gotten off a graveyard shift , Perry relented and went on a walk down to the beach with him. J.D was exceptionally silent then, something that Perry had thoroughly enjoyed. The older doctor was however curious about uncharacteristic quiet that had taken over him and asked the man about it.

"You see Perry, I just like to enjoy the fact that I'm breathing sometimes. It makes me feel light. Know what I mean?"

Perry had no idea what the kid meant at the time. All he had done was call him a girls name and tell him it was to early in the morning and to soon after work for all his sweet talk.

But he knew what he was talking about now. Perry thought about how unfair it was that it took J.D's life for him to realize it. He also thought about how he didn't deserve to be able to go home and sleep in his warm bed while J.D stayed buried in dirt.

"Hey Per-Bear." He turned around to see Jordan holding Jack's hand and cocking her head at him. "I think maybe, I should take Jack for awhile. If you want that is."

"Come here big boy." Perry opened his arms up for his son and scooped him up as he came. "What do you think, think you can stay with mom for awhile while I take care of some things at home?"

"Where's Aunt Carol?"

"Jackie-boy, don't you remember what I told you about the angels."

The little boy closed his eyes and shook his head. Perry sighed and looked up at Jordan who waved him on.

"Well, you see, Aunt Carol wasn't feeling very good. He needed some help so the angels came and took him to make him feel better. The catch is that since he was such a good person he needed to stay with them and be an angel. So now your Aunt Carol keeps a close eye out for you and everyone else around here."

"Are the angels going to take me too Daddy?"

Perry kissed his son's forehead. "Not for a very long time."

"Okay Daddy."

"Go ahead and go with your mom. I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay Daddy."


	2. Chapter 2

What Perry thought was absolutely fascinating was the fact that he had not had a single sip of scotch since J.D had gotten hit. He got off of his bed and look at himself in the mirror. Nobody would believe that he had been completely sober by the looks of him. His hair was flat to his head, greasy. He looked like he had aged about a hundred years in five days. He was wearing the stupid green striped shirt that Carla had asked him to put on when she, Gandhi and he took J.D's mother out to dinner. Perry had left in the middle of it.

"You know, you were never any good for my boy." She waved a fork in Perry's direction. "I remember when he first told me about you, he made you seem like some sort of super-hero. Well, look at you. All I see is a waste of space faggot. He was with you when it happened right? Took him out to a gay bar did you? Yes, this is completely your fault. If it wasn't for you my boy would be getting married, having a baby."

Carla had spoken up then. "You know, J.D was happy. I'm sure he was happy through his very last second. There is nothing you can say that would take that away from us." She tucked a hair behind her ear and went back to her food.

Momma Dorian considered this for a second, contemplating Carla. She turned back to Perry. "He called me last week, you know? He said that you were a family, that you were his family. Well, Perry, if he had stayed with his real family we wouldn't even be having this conversation would we?"

Yes, Momma Dorian was enough to make any sane person want to lose their head a little bit, let alone someone like Perry Cox. But Perry wanted to feel everything he felt as he felt it, he thought he owed that to the kid. That isn't to say he wasn't losing control. When he saw J.D crumpled up by the side of the road he had felt insane, but when he came home to nothing he was insane. He looked over at a naked and sleeping Barbie and groaned.

When Momma Dorian had pushed Perry just a little bit to much and he had left, he had come home and thrown every bottle of booze he could find (and he found a lot) against a wall. Sometime while that was going on Barbie had come over. He had bumped into her and she was just so close to him and he kissed her and she kissed him back. They wound having sex on the scotch soaked floor. She was a little bit drunk and cried the whole time. Perry was just intoxicated with mind-blowing anger. It had been terrible and Perry hated himself for it already.

Perry made his way into the shower and pressed himself against the wall. He thought of the last time he was in here with J.D.

"Perry." J.D was at the bathroom door. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, Newbie, come on in."

J.D entered, it was late at night and Perry had just gotten home from work. He watched as the younger man rubbed sleep from his eye. "I'm coming in, okay?"

"Okay."

J.D got in the shower and kissed the Perry lightly on the lips. "How was work?"

"Selena, shhh, it was fine." Perry grabbed J.D's face and looked at him. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

J.D wrapped his hand around Perry's neck. "It has been awhile." His voice was soft. He had sounded so tired. "Fuck me?"

Perry kissed him hard and knocked him into the shower wall. J.D moaned under his weight and bit down on the top of his shoulder. Perry touched his face like he had hadn't looked at it a thousand times before and arched his back so they were as close as they could be. J.D worked his way down between the shower wall and Perry's body and wrapped his mouth around his cock. Perry didn't remember it ever feeling as good as it did in that moment. He put his hands in the younger man's hair and lightly pulled. J.D's eyes flicked up after Perry let his name pass over his lips. When he stopped Perry practically whimpered but he quickly composed himself and pushed J.D back into the wall. He thrust into him and J.D had screamed into Perry's chest. When they finished they turned off the shower and stumbled their way back to bed. Sleep had come easy that night.

_Author's Note:_

_This is not only my first fan fiction but it was the first time I ever wrote a sex scene. It might be my last for fan fiction and it most certainly will be my last for this particular one. It's kind of weird writing a sex scene for a character that you haven't created because you don't know how they would really act in bed (or shower, haha). Anyways, I wanted to put it in to explore a particular dynamic between the two but it didn't work out exactly how I wanted. I changed this whole chapter a little bit, so I hope that if you are rereading you enjoy it a little more. Thanks a lot._


	3. Chapter 3

Perry had just gotten out of the shower when he heard rustling in the next room. He chose to ignore it in hopes that Barbie would just be gone by the time he ventured back to his living room.

"Frick, frick, frick." Perry closed his eyes. What the hell was she doing out there? He pulled on a pair of jeans and then swung open the door. Barbie was running around in her panties, trying to gather the rest of her clothes. Her blonde hair was sticking out in every direction and even from a distance he could tell she had sleep lines on her face. He watched her rub her eyes.

"I'm sorry." She wasn't looking at him. "I'm really, I'm just sorry."

"There isn't anything to be sorry about…"

"I'm not, I'm not talking to you Dr. Cox." She turned to him and muttered something under her breath. The morning light made her skin look translucent just like J.D's did when he the sun hit him as he opened the blinds.

"I'm sorry, what was that Barbie?"

"You know, I let you have him but you were supposed to take care of him." She had resumed her search for clothing. A bra was hiding under a stray pillow. "I loved him." She wheeled around and looked him in the eyes. "I loved him and you couldn't even bother to go away with him for a lousy week."

"Look Barbie, I'm trying really hard to be nice here but I've just about had it with all of you people thinking that you monopolize the love that was there for him. I don't want to hear you whining about how I stole your man."

"You didn't appreciate him." She was fully clothed by now and backing slowly towards the door. The venom that was in her voice didn't reach her eyes, all that was there was just complete sadness.

"Why would you say that, because I didn't want to ride off on a white horse and have a commitment ceremony with all of you assholes as our bridesmaids? I'm not that guy. Newbie knew that. You know that. I don't owe you an explanation. In fact, go. Just, go. And do not even think about coming back."

Barbie opened the door but before she left she looked at him and asked in what was almost a whisper "He loved you so much, did you even care about him at all?"

"Get out!" Perry screamed and grabbed the nearest thing off of a table and threw it at the door. There was a sound of glass shattering and sobs as the door quickly shut. A drawer on the table had opened in the commotion.

"Perry look what came in the mail!" J.D had run up to him so excited. "I wanted to surprise you for our anniversary but I can't wait. Open it." He handed him a small box.

"Mary Sue, you know I don't do anniversaries." He opened the box carefully and pulled out what appeared to be a glass elephant with a lot of weird shit on it. "Well thanks Newbie, I'll treasure it forever and ever."

"Perry, that's not the main gift, it's a hint!" J.D was grinning ear to ear.

"Well, what is it then?" Perry wanted to make J.D happy but come on, how much girlier could he get? Guessing games?

"Well, think about someplace you've always wanted to go!" J.D was practically bouncing up and down at this point.

"Oh dear god."

"Pack up your bags Dr. Cox, we're going to India!" The kid kept jabbing the older doctor in his stomach with his finger.

"Why do you do this to me?"

J.D's face fell, "I thought you would be excited."

"This whole thing sounds very reminiscent to a honeymoon."

"Well, I don't know Perry. We've been together for so long. Wouldn't you like to seal the bond a little bit, you know, in the eyes of the law?"

"No, no I would not."

"I just, I want to be a family. The trip to India, it can be a start." He flailed his arms out. "It can be a spiritual journey, a second awakening! I mean getting married would be nice but you going away with me, it would be enough."

"Newbie, I asked you time and time again. What do you think this is?" He waved between the two of them. "I never made any promises here. I was under the impression that you thought that was okay."

J.D advanced on him. "Well, Perry, be reasonable." He put his hands on the older man's hips. "When was the last time you were with anyone else?" J.D trailed one hand up his back. Perry tried not to shiver. "As a matter of fact, when was the last time you even wanted to be with anyone besides me?"

It'd been years.

Perry pushed him back. "I can tell you this, I'd like to be anywhere else besides here right now." He stalked off. "And I do na-hawt want to go to flipping India with you or anyone else for that matter."

"Well, fine." Perry heard the man go into the bedroom and slam the door.

"Fine."


	4. Chapter 4

"Look, Per Bear, Jack wants to come home." Perry heard Jordan sigh. "It's been a week since you've seen him after the burial. Wouldn't it make you feel better to see your son?"

It wasn't that he didn't want to see Jack, it's just everything was a mess. He was a mess. Perry wasn't fit to take care of his boy in an apartment with glass shards and booze stained floors. He fingered the train tickets he had found yesterday. J.D hadn't reserved a flight yet but apparently he had taken it upon himself to begin planning the actual trip. New Delhi to Bangalore, the ticket was good for all year.

"Jordan, look, everything here is broken. Nothing works here anymore. This isn't the right place for Jack. I'll come visit him soon, okay?"

"Perry…"

"Goodbye Jordan."

The phone slid to the floor as Perry lay silent on the couch. He felt a wave of sleep wash over him and reluctantly succumbed to it.

"Open your eyes!" Perry shook the man, trying to keep him upright and forcing him to look at his mistake. "Do you see, do you see what you did?" The man continued to squirm. Perry had never felt such unbridled anger in his entire life. Everything about this kid pissed him off, his stupid buzz cut, the nasally quality his voice had as he screamed that he was sorry, the country music that was still playing in the car wrapped around a pole. "Was it worth it?"

"Nooooo." The man was weeping now. "I'm so, so soorry."

"Do you know what this man did with his life?" Perry put his face up to young man's and smelt scotch. He wanted to throw up. "He was a doctor. He saved the lives assholes like you trashed." Perry was vaguely aware that he was screaming now. "What the fuck do you do?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorr…"

"Shut the fuck up!" He screamed. "Look at him. Do you see him?" The man shut his eyes. "Open your fucking eyes! You did this, look!" Perry heard the police pull up.

"You fucking did this."

"Sir, please let go of this man." Some cop gently tugged the drunk away. "We need to take him into custody."

Perry let him go and then promptly collapsed next to J.D.

Perry woke up sweating as much as he had sweat that night. It had been so hot outside, they just wanted to leave Elliot and Keith's stupid bonfire and go home. He groaned thinking about Barbie. Perry knew that she was going to tell Carla that they slept together, that Perry was a bad man, that Perry was, well, bad.

Sure enough a soft knock came on the door.

"Perry, you home?"

"No." He did not want to see the latina nurse right now.

"I'm going to use my key and I'm going to come in." He heard the lock turn. Shit.

"Perry, this place is a disaster." She looked around, her eyes fell to the small pile of glass that was close to her feet.

"Didn't J.D just get you this for your anniversary?" He had never seen her look so sad. There were lines under her eyes that he knew hadn't been there a week ago. Her voice lacked the vigour it once held.

"J.D and I aren't having an anniversary Carla. J.D is dead." He was surprised at how raspy his voice sounded.

"I know. I know he is."

"Why are you here? Don't you have to nurse Gandhi back to health; he just lost his other wife." Perry turned way from her on the couch.

"You need me more right now."

"I slept with Barbie." He couldn't believe that he had said that outloud. How awful had that had been. Everything about her had felt wrong.

Carla sighed. "I know Perry." She paused a moment. "So does Keith."

"That's too bad."

"Why?" Her voice was genuinely curious.

"Well, it's not like it meant anything. I've called a lot of things but I've never given anyone a reason to call me a home wrecker before."

"You honestly think that Elliot cared about that marriage?" Carla buried her hands in her hair. "No, Elliot was as in love with J.D as you were; it just took a tragedy for her to realize it. No, they're both better off without each other. They both owe you, probably."

"Carla, I'm still in love with J.D." Oh dear god. How much girlier could he sound? And he just set himself for the whole, "Time heals all wounds" speech.

"Well, yeah." She stopped there.

Perry turned back towards her and looked her straight in the eye. "Nothing works here anymore."

Author's Note:

Sorry! I had to break the elephant!


End file.
